Parker Outline 1
Note: This outline relies very heavily on Dramatic Irony, Knob Jokes and Parker not wanting to admit to working for a Pornographer (as an accountant).
Parker Pilot: Working Title - "Pornography"
Scene One
CLAIRE and LARA are trying to wrap a large present of some sort when PARKER enters in some excitement. They spend the rest of the scene trying to hide the present from him. PARKER has some news - he's got an emergency call to do the accounts for a film studio. CLAIRE is filmstruck (starstruck? stagestruck?) and requires that PARKER try to get her a part or a job or something to do with the film. Even make the tea. CHRIS T enters. He has even bigger news - a new girlfriend who we will all meet tomorrow night at the [pub quiz]. He then has to leave a friend has a new[something]. PARKER mocks [something]s, but goes with him to try out/look at the [something]. The wrapping falls off the present to reveal a [something] they've got him for his birthday at the weekend.
Scene Two
PARKER arrives at the offices of Pawn Studios and meets NICKY PAWN, writer, director, producer and studio boss - "I do practically everything except make the tea". He has a variety of hilarious reasons why his accounts are in a mess, how he's lost previous accountants, and how he's tried to pay off various creditors, including, of course, the Inland Revenue. But before PARKER gets down to work, he offers him a studio tour where a new film is being made.
Scene Three
PARKER and NICKY are in a film studio. From a variety of clues, it becomes obvious that Pawn studios make erotic films, although PARKER doesn't twig until just after he's awkwardly put in CLAIRE's pitch. This also casts the previous scene in a new light. Any actual pornography takes place slightly out of shot, of course. After a few knob jokes and disentangling himself from FLUFFY LA BOOTSTRAP, one of London's leading erotic actresses, PARKER gets back to the infinitely more exciting world of accounting.
Scene Four
At the [Pub Quiz] PARKER tries to explain to CLAIRE why she shouldn't go to work for NICKY, but without mentioning that it's an adult film studio. LARA backs him up, but also undermines him ("Fame isn't all it's cracked up to be - you'll just find yourself being pursued by dozens of gorgeous young hunks"). Additionally, everything CLAIRE says is an unintentional double entendre. Throughout this the pub quiz questions have been getting steadily surreal. Then CHRIS T arrives, and, to PARKER's surprise, his new girlfriend is FLUFFY LA BOOTSTRAP. CHRIS T apologises for his lateness - he has a new [something else] he wanted to try out. PARKER mocks [something else]s and heads for the bar. CLAIRE and LARA then reveal that the package hidden under the table is a [something else] for PARKER's birthday.
Scene Five
CLAIRE and LARA are out shopping. They have a short and hilarious conversation about what men want for their birthdays. This leads them past a display of Pawn Studio DVD's (Pawn studio's logo looks a bit like a chess pawn), also London's largest blue shirt section. Eventually they settle on crap presents, but a surprise party, with all his mates. They'll insist on them coming no matter the short notice.
Scene Six
At home PARKER admits to LARA he's been working for a pornographer and explains about FLUFFY. LARA eventually admits she knows Pawn studios make erotica ("Adult films? You mean they show scenes of household accounts and ironing and doing the washing up?"), and tells him he has to tell CLAIRE why he's prevaricating over the job thing. Hugs and kisses all round. LARA stops PARKER from waking CLAIRE up to get it off his chest.
Scene Seven
In Pawn Studio offices, PARKER has sorted out the accounts. He explains to NICKY that he and his friend didn't realise he made erotica and that she isn't interested in a job. NICKY is fine with that, but loads PARKER down with an enormous pile of Pawn Studio back catalogue DVD's as a thank you (Also - "Show them to your friend - she might change her mind")
Scene Eight
PARKER arrives home. CLAIRE tries to delay him at the door. His briefcase comes open spilling pornography all over the floor. PARKER admits to CLAIRE that Pawn Studios are a porn studio, and he's been too embarrassed to admit it. But hopefully it can just be their secret and no one need know that he, PARKER, the upright and non-smutty professional, is the accountant to London's leading and most prolific pornographic film maker. All PARKER's mates burst out of their hiding places to wish him happy birthday, except CHRIS T, who is discovered snogging FLUFFY in the ironing board cupboard.
END
Parker Pilot: Working Title - "Pornography"
Scene One
CLAIRE and LARA are trying to wrap a large present of some sort when PARKER enters in some excitement. They spend the rest of the scene trying to hide the present from him. PARKER has some news - he's got an emergency call to do the accounts for a film studio. CLAIRE is filmstruck (starstruck? stagestruck?) and requires that PARKER try to get her a part or a job or something to do with the film. Even make the tea. CHRIS T enters. He has even bigger news - a new girlfriend who we will all meet tomorrow night at the [pub quiz]. He then has to leave a friend has a new[something]. PARKER mocks [something]s, but goes with him to try out/look at the [something]. The wrapping falls off the present to reveal a [something] they've got him for his birthday at the weekend.
Scene Two
PARKER arrives at the offices of Pawn Studios and meets NICKY PAWN, writer, director, producer and studio boss - "I do practically everything except make the tea". He has a variety of hilarious reasons why his accounts are in a mess, how he's lost previous accountants, and how he's tried to pay off various creditors, including, of course, the Inland Revenue. But before PARKER gets down to work, he offers him a studio tour where a new film is being made.
Scene Three
PARKER and NICKY are in a film studio. From a variety of clues, it becomes obvious that Pawn studios make erotic films, although PARKER doesn't twig until just after he's awkwardly put in CLAIRE's pitch. This also casts the previous scene in a new light. Any actual pornography takes place slightly out of shot, of course. After a few knob jokes and disentangling himself from FLUFFY LA BOOTSTRAP, one of London's leading erotic actresses, PARKER gets back to the infinitely more exciting world of accounting.
Scene Four
At the [Pub Quiz] PARKER tries to explain to CLAIRE why she shouldn't go to work for NICKY, but without mentioning that it's an adult film studio. LARA backs him up, but also undermines him ("Fame isn't all it's cracked up to be - you'll just find yourself being pursued by dozens of gorgeous young hunks"). Additionally, everything CLAIRE says is an unintentional double entendre. Throughout this the pub quiz questions have been getting steadily surreal. Then CHRIS T arrives, and, to PARKER's surprise, his new girlfriend is FLUFFY LA BOOTSTRAP. CHRIS T apologises for his lateness - he has a new [something else] he wanted to try out. PARKER mocks [something else]s and heads for the bar. CLAIRE and LARA then reveal that the package hidden under the table is a [something else] for PARKER's birthday.
Scene Five
CLAIRE and LARA are out shopping. They have a short and hilarious conversation about what men want for their birthdays. This leads them past a display of Pawn Studio DVD's (Pawn studio's logo looks a bit like a chess pawn), also London's largest blue shirt section. Eventually they settle on crap presents, but a surprise party, with all his mates. They'll insist on them coming no matter the short notice.
Scene Six
At home PARKER admits to LARA he's been working for a pornographer and explains about FLUFFY. LARA eventually admits she knows Pawn studios make erotica ("Adult films? You mean they show scenes of household accounts and ironing and doing the washing up?"), and tells him he has to tell CLAIRE why he's prevaricating over the job thing. Hugs and kisses all round. LARA stops PARKER from waking CLAIRE up to get it off his chest.
Scene Seven
In Pawn Studio offices, PARKER has sorted out the accounts. He explains to NICKY that he and his friend didn't realise he made erotica and that she isn't interested in a job. NICKY is fine with that, but loads PARKER down with an enormous pile of Pawn Studio back catalogue DVD's as a thank you (Also - "Show them to your friend - she might change her mind")
Scene Eight
PARKER arrives home. CLAIRE tries to delay him at the door. His briefcase comes open spilling pornography all over the floor. PARKER admits to CLAIRE that Pawn Studios are a porn studio, and he's been too embarrassed to admit it. But hopefully it can just be their secret and no one need know that he, PARKER, the upright and non-smutty professional, is the accountant to London's leading and most prolific pornographic film maker. All PARKER's mates burst out of their hiding places to wish him happy birthday, except CHRIS T, who is discovered snogging FLUFFY in the ironing board cupboard.
END
posted by Neil Willcox @ 12:26 pm
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