"Written by Jim" Part 2

Emailed by Jim on 7 August with subject line More Parker, which for obvious reasons I won't make the title of this post. All mistakes are Jim's except where the original was so unclear my editing was a best guess, and where a change in name in accordance with the policy of this blog has actually changed the tone of a scene (who knew?).

More Parker.....this is as much as I can do tonight...





Cue Card- "Later that Day"

Establishing Shot - "The Hat Company Building"

Stan (to camera) "Hmm hats..Are you sure we aren't filming "Jim" today?"

Cut to interior shot - Parker comes swaggering into the shop. He is wearing a blue shirt - beautifully ironed of course. He is also puffing on a big cigar.

Parker "Assistant - where are the hats - ANSWER ME!?"

Assistant (played by the Fonz) "Eeeeehyy - Cunningham!"

Parker "No Fonzi - it's not Cunningham - it's me, Parker - accountant extraordinaire!"

Assistant (in Fonzi's italian accent) "So you wanna a buy a hat huh?"

Cut to extreme close up of Parker's impassive face

Parker "Yes"

Assistant "What a sorta hat you what huh?"

Parker "A mongolian shepherd's leather tricorn hat" (winks to the shopkeeper)

In a long and not particularly complicated way the Fonz winks at Parker - offers him a suspicious looking hat and ushers him into a changing room. After Parker (tm) closes the curtain the dressing room spins around and begins to descend. It is in fact a lift that takes Parker down about 150 floors.

Parker emerges into an enormous reception - on the floor in huge lettering reads the legend "Bank of Blankety Blank - UN Supreme Audit & Balance Sheet Tactical Command - The Final Form of Account"

Various guards nod at Parker who produces a pocket calculator which he slots into a wall as a security pass.

A thick set man with a beard approachs - he is undoubtedly played by Brian Blessed.

Blessed "Welcome back Parker! - Excellent work on the Enron case! - only special agent Leeson was ever more succesful on a case!"

Parker "Thank you control, what is the state of play with the share price on Stanotron - I don't like their play for total world domination - I think we need to act to stop them"

Blessed " Good news about the share price James. They are in a ...a.....wait for it......DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"*

Sound Effect - BOOOM

Dean and Jim have just blasted their way in through a wall. Behind them is a sign in a vast cavernous space - it reads something like "Last Will & Testament - Law Society Ultimate Bastion of Truth and Justice - Rule of Law Command"

Dean "Sorry!".

Cue Card "End of Part 2"




* - this is obviously a reference to Blessed's role in "Flash Gordon"

Lara commented on the story so far thusly:

I'd love to know what my involvement with all this will be. I'm
anticipating Hattie Jacques and carry on movie type humour!

I myself noted that Jim has not referenced the Italian Job (since last week). What will happen next? Will Jim feel it necessary to point out obvious pop-culture references? Will Stan make more cameos? How can these disparate plot threads be brought together to form an elegant tapestry of an episode?

[Note to self: Check Jim understands the difference between sitcom and sketch show]