"Written by Jim" Part 3

Emailed by Jim on 8 August with subject line Yet More Parker, which, again, I won't make the title of this post.

Cue Card - Part 3 - Two Days Later

Scene - a racetrack - the camera pans up and down the track and sees nothing - a roaring sound is heard - a bright blue Caterham 7 flashes past - there is the hint of a calculator motif painted on the door.

Intro - Parker incidental music track 5

Cut to
College Green, London - the racecar goes past the Palace of Westminster, handbrake turns past the green and dives into the subterranean car park.

Cut to scene of underground car park - the camera is positioned so that as the car stops the side and wheels are filling the bottom left hand corner of the screen. The driver steps out - we can only see his feet and and legs, he walks away from camera towards a corridor in the distance. Before we see above the driver's waist camera cuts to;

Reverse angle - in the background is the blue racecar - storming away from it is Parker (tm) (C) - He is wearing a blue shirt - it is beautifully pressed - in his hand he carries an abacus - he looks angry - really angry - if there was a bat in this picture Parker would
undoubtedly bite its head off - he's that angry! Parker storms past the camera.

Cut to the interior of an office. Stan is sitting at a large desk - it is probably festooned with monitors and empty Guiness glasses.

Parker
kicks the door in - I mean really badly (remember how cross he is!) - the door flies off its hinges and probably causes some damage - maybe permanent damage - to the armed guard carrying an assault rifle who was standing by the door. Parker strides up to the desk - smashes the abacus onto it and whilst Stan plucks abacus beads from his beard - says

Parker "I will not make any deals with you - I will not be pushed stamped bullied or numbered - my life is my own - I resign!"

Parker storms off again.

Stan "I didn't expect that to happen" - comically an abacus bead falls out of Stan's quiff*

We see the blue car scream off from Westminster - and cut to squence of the car racing through Richmond and powersliding into a car park outside Parker (tm)'s flat (c). Parker gets out and of course his shirt remains immaculately ironed. Cut to Parker going up to the flat in "Schindlers Lift" - there absolutely has to be a redressed sign in the lift to highlight this joke and possibly also a cameo appearance by Oskar Schindler. Parker enters the flat and starts flinging clothes into a suitcase. Claire appears;

Claire " Hi Parker - would you like some Goldschlager - it's got real gold in it you know"

Parker "Thanks Claire - I could do with that - what especially with gold prices being at a historic low"

Claire proffers a glass, pours one for herself and says

Claire "Salut" - they both neck the shots in one hit

Parker "Aaaah luverly" - begins to sway - "ooooooo"

Cut to parker eye view of shot glass in his hand - his vision blurs and focus goes in
and out. He blacks out.

Cut to view of Claire laughing evilly

Claire "Moo ha ha ha, moo ha ha ha ha ha ha moo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"

Fade to black

Fade up from black to another parker eye view - he is in a room and someone is looking over him - all we can see is a face that slowly swims into focus but not enough that we can work out who it is

Parker "(groan) Who are you...?"

Mystery Person "I am Number Two"

Parker "Where am I.....?"

Mystery Person "You are ......in the village"

Parker "The village!?..."

Mystery Person "Let me finish you fool- the Village People festival! you're playing the Guy in the leather outfit - I am playing the Red Indian"

Parker's vision finally clears - he is looking up into Lara's face - she is wearing warpaint and an indian headress

Parker
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"**






* in light of recent events (ie the loss of Stan's quiff) this scene might need to be reconsidered
** in case no one gets this it is a rip off of the opening title sequence to The Prisoner"

It's unclear whether this is the end or just a pause so Jim can go to bed. To answer one of Jim's queries, I'm sure that a stunt quiff could be found (perhaps borrowed from Dave).