"Written By Jim" Section 7

Well this turned up in my mailbox on Sunday night. Of course, anyone likely to be reading this will have got it in their mail already. Jim seems to think that my fairly straight outline of the film "Barbarella", lightly Parkerised as "Parkerella" has upstages him. Hence:

Another Parker sequence-Neil if you upload this to the blog please be sure to suitably anonymize the characters!;



Parker is waving his arms about hysterically - he is wearing, of course, a beautifully pressed blue shirt although it is slightly ruffled

As the camera view draws back we see that Parker is plummeting through a beautiful blue sky. It is not obvious how he came to be in this position but is is clear that he is not wearing a parachute.

Camera angle pans and follows Parker as he plummets downward and becomes a speck on screen.

Parker - "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh!!!" the sound grows less distinct as Parker falls away

Cut to Parker titles sequence

Return to Parker falling and flailing his arms about. The sky behind him abruptly turns to a green sheet with crosses marked on it. It becomes clear that Parker is hooked up to some wires. He nimbly spins upright and two men dressed as technicians approach and unharness him;

Parker "Well I have to admit it [Pawn Studios boss name] the new special effects generator machine is extremely convincing!"

Pawn Boss "Yes Parker - and it cost a pretty penny"

Parker "In that case we'll have to discuss the tax advantages and implications of the purchase, why this was needed for an 'adult entertainment' film company and...using the company accountant as an extra!" (turns and winks to camera).

parker theme sting 15b
&
Cutaway to exterior shot of Pawn Studios

AD BREAK INCLUDING AN ADVERT FOR "T'S TOOTHPASTE PUTTING THE 'TING' (SHOWS CLIP AGAIN OF PARKER WINKING TO CAMERA WITH A 'TING' AS HE FLASHES A SMILE) BACK INTO PARKER (TM)

Exterior shot of Parker's flat

Cut to shot of Lara - she is busily cooking something flamboyantly in the kitchen. This could be something flambe in a frying pan. To make it funnier she might have on a dainty pinny and a spot of flour on her cheek

A door is heard opening as Parker comes in.

Parker (not yet in sight)"Honey I'm home!"

Lara "Yoooooo hooooo! I'm in the kitchen - I'm cooking your favourite - it's [insert something appropriate here or just make something improbably up] - did you have a nice day honeybunch [ insert a familiar name that Lara would call Parker]?"

Parker " Oh so so - but it had its ups and downs! [winks to camera again and ting sfx on his teeth]

Parker theme sting 15c

Claire (from off camera) "Parker! have you ben using my toothpaste again!? - You've squeezed it from the middle of the tube! Grrr! That makes me angry."

Parker shrugs non-commitally and grins sheepishly.

Parker theme sting 3

Claire "...and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry"

Parker looks more sheepish and opens a bottle of real ale - I'm sure we could give this an amusing name and it may well be that the bottle illustration is something to do with Stan.

Lara " Your boss rang - the one who refuses to ever leave his name or his number fo tell me what it is that you do or anything - he asked to meet with you today, I hope he caught up with you?"

Parker "Well I was able to drop in on him..."

Parker winks to camera - teeth ting etc - again

Parker theme sting 15d

Lara "WIll you stop doing that - you look demented! - your supper is ready, et voila"

Lara waves a silver serving salver under Parker's nose - to make this funnier it may ave on it a lobster or basically anything that is obviouly not what she was cooking.

Parker "Magnificent - shall we adjourn to the dining area"

Parker bows courteously and waves Lara through and out of the kitchen. Just as the front door flies open and in bounds Chris T. He bundles straight into Lara who - for purposes of this scene must be carrying something alight - possibly a candle - as Lara and Chris T go down in a bundle Chris T catches fire. Claire enters - she is painted green - considerably pumped up and holding a tube of toothpaste that has been squeezed from the middle. It is a tube of T's Toothpaste. Chris T bounces back up and;

Chris T "Well ladies - it's been fun - but if you'll excuse me my trousers are on fire. Exits stage left.

Chris T sting 1.

To be continued....

And I have nothing more to say as I have too many other things to do, even without the various late Parker related stuff I've said I would do.